Just look at me!

Lately, it seems “I have a husband” is not longer the conversation ender it used to be. I’ve now met the second guy in as many months to boast that he is better than my husband. The exchange went something like this:
"Do you have a husband."
"Yes."
"You don't want me?"
"No. I have a husband."
"I am better than your husband."
"No, my husband is better. It’s only my husband I want.
"No, I am better. Just look at me!"

Meeting his gaze seemed a sure-fire way of getting turned to stone, à la a victim of Medusa, so I declined. After this pleasant introduction, he...

• Told me to buy him panketos.
• Told me to buy him a banana.
• Sat next to the woman across from me and talked to her about white people—she seemed as eager to listen to him as I was.
• Asked for my number (I claimed not to have a phone).

And then...

• A typical exchange following my refusal to acknowledge his presence went something like this: “Why?” “You are tiring me.” And then he would laugh.
• His response to a question posed by some of his buddies outside: “No, I am just tiring her.”
• His response to a question posed by a middle-aged woman sitting in the row in front of me: “ I was not insulting her. I was just talking to her.”
• His response on discovering I have begun reading a book: “I will read to you.”
• At one point he left and I thought for good but then I felt a finger poke my neck and I didn’t turn around because I already knew who it was.
• His final contact was to offer me a tomato, small and wrinkled, through the gelle window. I wonder if there is some special meaning behind gifting a tomato, because did he really think a tomato, and this poor excuse for a tomato in particular, would be something I’d want, as I sat in the heat, waiting for the car to leave?