Horoscope!

I was bored, so I decided to see what would happen if I selected Horoscope/Love on my phone’s Africell Menu. I was given these options:

1. Horoscope
2. Star Match
3. Love Meter
4. Love Quotes

I selected Horoscope and was instructed to choose my astrological sign. Shortly afterward, a message from "Leo" arrived in my inbox: “If possible, make one room in you home or apartment into a study, reading, art or computer room.” I checked my phone’s credit balance--this worthless bit of advice had only lost me one dalasi. Also, it had relieved about twenty seconds of boredom, and reminded me of the time I opened a fortune cookie and read, “Buy new shoes.” This memory relieved another fifteen seconds of boredom.

Anyway, I was soon bored again, and now that I knew these things only cost one dalasi, I decided to see if the Love Quotes could provide any hilarity. Alas, not really: “I heard someone whisper your name today but wen i turned around to see who it was i noticed i was alone so i realized it was my heart tellin m how much i miss U.”

Then, still bored and not realizing PrayerTime was a function that cost money (on the menu it’s listed last, far from FunRing/Logo, News/Sports and Horoscope/Love) I wasted a third dalasi to be informed: “FASTING BEGINS 5:28AM; FAJR 5:43AM; ZUHR 2:00PM; ASR 5:00PM; FASTING ENDS 7:00PM;”

The whole experience was kind of like putting fifty cents into one of those slots and twisting the knob and not really expecting to get anything great but still expecting something better than the horse-shaped charm necklace you remove from the dispensed plastic capsule, so against all logic you insert another fifty cents and receive an equally dissatisfying plastic-capsuled trinket.